I’m addicted to a bad relationship. I wanted to avoid writing about it so badly that I decided to write about beets. I researched some recipes, discovered that it’s a Jewish tradition to eat beets at Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), and warned my roommates that I would be baking the chocolate beet cake for a second time. I wasn’t jazzed about the post. I had a feeling it wouldn’t top my kale post. It sounded really insincere so I decided to eff it.

Hi, my name is eff the funk and I have been addicted to a bad relationship for three years. I was sure I loved him the first year… then I’m not sure what I told myself the remainder of our on-again, off-again time together. He never promised me the moon, but I wanted to hold on anyways. We have strong chemistry and I was addicted to his attention when he chased me and my suffering when he didn’t. It’s romantic in a twisted way. 

This is when I planned to introduce my former roommate who used to drink a lot and smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, but has now adopted a healthy lifestyle. He beat his addiction. Kudos! I would like to attempt to explain that my former roommate and I are similar because of our addiction. If he can beat it, why can’t I? This metaphor sucks unfortunately, because as I was gently reminded when no one called me drunk on New Year’s Eve-a pack of cigarettes cannot walk out of your life, but a human being can. I’m glad that he did. Why do I keep trekking onward and upward, expecting a vision of a beautiful, healthy relationship at the top of the mountain?

I don’t have time for that. We are all on borrowed time. January 1st marks one year since a former classmate died unexpectedly at age twenty-four. We attended the same schools from first grade through college. It still doesn’t make sense why she left us and it never will. I plan to show her some respect and eff the funk. Rest in peace KLR.