The first hour into an eight-hour international flight I started to feel anxious. My mind was reeling and it wasn’t a fear of flying. I had been seeing a guy for a month and I was happy but something felt off. My trip was planned for ten days so I would have to wait until I returned home to address my uneasiness. In the spirit of full disclosure, I knew he was seeing someone when we met but alas, many relationships in my city/generation start that way. When you start seeing someone they might be seeing other people and if things go well, you could end up dating exclusively a few months in after the “conversation.” How long can you hold onto the monkey bars? Longer than Suzie? Congrats! You win? If you’re reading this Mom, yes, I know it’s upsetting and far from ideal.

After dealing with the lines in customs at JFK, jet lag, and a weird cold that I picked up on the plane, I was ready to get some answers. My suitor was full-court press before I left and MIA when I returned. Unfortunately, I learned he wasn’t casually dating the other woman. I was the “other woman” and despite his impressive stack of academic degrees, he couldn’t find the words to tell her that he didn’t want to be exclusive. I’ve seen pictures of them recently. She beams when they’re standing side-by-side. I’m 99% sure she thinks they are “together” in every sense of the term. I try to send positive vibes her way when it pops into my head. I only saw him for a month, but I could have been dragged through the dirt longer and handed my broken heart as a parting gift.

Once the plane leveled off in the sky, high above the fog, I realized I was in a dream state. I wanted the relationship to work, but it wasn’t real. Have you ever persuaded yourself that the situation at hand was prettier than reality? Guilty. Eff the funk and fly above the fog. Live in the moment with eyes wide-open. Trust your intuition. You will save yourself from a truckload of funks.

Everyone can benefit from reading “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by Don Miguel Ruiz. I finished it and started reading it again so I won’t miss anything. It’s under 200 pages-don’t look so impressed!

Suffering makes you feel safe because you know it so well. But there is really no reason to suffer. The only reason you suffer is because you choose to suffer. If you look at your life you will find many excuses to suffer, but a good reason to suffer you will not find. The same is true for happiness. The only reason you are happy is because you choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice, and so is suffering. -Don Miguel Ruiz