When I had my birthday last September (mark your calendar, I expect virtual gifts) I had a party at my apartment instead of going out in the city. I’m lucky enough to live in a big space so someone asked if it was going to be a “real rager.” Heck no. Do I seem like a chick who wants to spend her BIRTHDAY with your friend’s cousin Sam’s athletic trainer Rob? I had my birthday at home so that all the riffraff in NYC bars would not be invited. Exclusive, not inclusive. Inclusive is your fifth birthday when everyone in your kindergarten class gets a Sesame Street invitation. Even that kid who eats paste.

I’m a people person but I have a low tolerance for BS. I was burned by plenty of friends at a young age and I decided to keep a tight circle from then on. It has saved me a lot of time and heartache over drama. At least three people in the past week have told me that they are dealing with lame friends. It sucks the life out of you. Don’t let it get so bad that your “friend” puts you into a funk.

Take an honest look at the people you spend time with and mentally label them either “friends” or “acquaintances.” Friends are there for you, ride or die (street speak, you understand) but acquaintances owe you nothing more than polite pleasantries.

I had a ghostwriter create a quiz that will help you separate the “Joes” from the “Bros”. This person asked to remain anonymous so you will have to take my word that they are a semi-expert on judging character. Hamsters are good judges of character right? No matter, get your number two pencils ready because we’re headed to college and it’s time for you to take a test!

❏ A bro grabs you alcohol from the liquor store ((+1)), a Joe buys you alcohol from the liquor store and charges you money for gas ((-1))

❏ A bro hits you up during the week ((+1)), a Joe only contacts you during the weekends ((-1))

❏ A bro calls you to talk ((+1)), a Joe messages you on facebook ((-1))

❏ A bro invites you when he has party ((+1)), a Joe reaps the benefits of parties you throw and doesn’t return the favor ((-1))

❏ A bro always wants to hang out ((+1)), a Joe only wants to hang out when you have weed ((-1))

❏ A bro reminds you of a test coming up ((+1)), a Joe asks you for a filled out study guide the day of the test ((-1))

❏ A bro comes to your party with girls ((+1)), a Joe comes solo expecting them to be there ((-1))

5-7 points: PASS! Talk about a solid Bro!

0-4 points: FAIL! What a Joe!